Fake it if you don't belong here

And you should know that lies won't hide your flaws...but the internet does. This seems to be a popular idea amongst the "internetters". Since it seems to be working _so well_, I have decided to follow suit and act like a general bad-ass all the time. But only on the internet.

FROM NOW ON, EVERYTHING I SAY WILL BE AWESOME, NO MORE, NO LESS. IN FACT, MY CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL WILL BE SET TO AMAZING FROM HERE ON OUT. NOW THAT TWO OF MY FRIENDS HAVE MOTORCYCLES, I THINK I WILL GET ONE TOO. AND FOR ALL YOU LADIES OUT THERE, I AM OFFICIALLY STATING MY REQUIREMENTS OF YOU. YOU HAVE TO BE AWESOME ALL THE TIME LIKE ME AND ALWAYS MAKE SANDWICHES AT MY REQUEST. FOR MY LAST WORDS. SWEDISH TWINS, MY PLACE, NOW.

Sincerely,
Brandon Perry