I can't wait

I can't wait until technology allows me to grep my house for things I have misplaced. The basic layout of my house would be exactly as the Linux filesystem. / (root) would be the whole property (front yard, backyard, shed, house, etc...), then you would have /frontyard, /backyard (if the shed is in the backyard, /backyard/shed), /house, etc... This would make it extremely easy to search for things. If I know my favorite pair of boxers is in my room somewhere, I would perform a ls /house/upstairs/master_bedroom | grep fav_boxers. If I don't know where my keys are, just ls / | grep keys. Obviously, for security reasons, it would run OpenBSD since it has had only 2 security vulnerabilities in 10 years.